Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
