If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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