***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Plan B is the new Plan A
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
