I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
