Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
