Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I love you.
Bad choice
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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