there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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