He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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