I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
