Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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