You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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