she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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