he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
