if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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