why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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