In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
