I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
