i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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