all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
