hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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