Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
