just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
