i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
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