Sponge bath it is.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
