a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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