but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
