im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
