I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
