My first STD was from a foam party
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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