can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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