then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
