did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
