Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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