do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
organizing the empties. That sober.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
