How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Im part way to drunk.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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