Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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