Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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