I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
