Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
