i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
