So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
