3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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