Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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