I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
