My brain says no but my pants say off.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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