Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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