Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
