Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
