I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
