We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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