id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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