I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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