So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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