there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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