Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
