I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
